Grief

I was staying home from the bars. I was doing things around the house. She was not saying anything. WHY!!!? She was going out. I tried to get her to go with me for 7 years and now she goes out until 3am. WTF? If I do this she will come back to me I tell myself. H & A confirm this. They knew it was bullshit but its what I wanted to hear. I research Grief. What a fucked up ride I'm in for. I already hate it and I want off. I'm reading The Five Languages of Love. This pissed her off even more than she was before. She had asked me to read that book 3 years ago I guess. I kinda remember when she reminds me. But that was when she she had cancer and her Dad just died. Well it was after that but it finally hit me what happened. I had blocked my feelings during that time to be strong for her. That time of my life happened but I was a zombie. Too much had happened in a short time that and I never dealt with my feelings. it messed me up. She doesn't get that though because it didn't "happen to me" I realize i didn't have cancer and my Dad didn't die. But it still affected me. Big time in fact.
I go back to the counselor. We talk about telling my parents and he tells me I need to think about moving out to move on with my life.
I go to Arkansas for a wedding. I come home to divorce papers. Mother Fucker!